7.11.2016

A Guide for American Celebrity Refugees

The first time I can recall a far-left American celebrity ‘threatening’ to move to Canada was during the 2004 election.  I can’t remember exactly which B-lister it was, but I did commit to memory that fact it was Bush’s second term as clearly as I recall my eye-roll/giggle response.

This time around, the game played by celebs on the down-slope of their careers has become popular.  “If Trump wins, I’m moving to Canada!”

Good for some exposure in the entertainment mags.

Now, I’m considerate if nothing else.  I am, after all, a Canadian.  Because the vast majority of far-left progressives are more likely to just look at pictures as opposed to reading, here’s something to help you as you plan your escape:



You’re welcome.

For the remaining leftist, attention-whoring celebs, here’s some information about your new homeland.  It’s always good to have some knowledge at your disposal. 


*May not be actual
Prime Minister
  • After a decade of Conservative government, Canada recently elected the Liberals with Justin Trudeau, son of Pierre, as Prime Minister.  His Liberal party actually received 39.5% of the votes, but in a Parliamentary system that is enough for a majority.  We preemptively apologize.


  • Canada celebrates Thanksgiving, but up here we have our turkey on the second Monday of October.  If you get this wrong, we vandalize your house with maple syrup.  You’ve been warned.




  • Winnie-the-Pooh: Canadian. Could kick Fozzie Bear’s ass.


  • We have summer.


  • Keanu Reaves, Jim Carrey, Justin Bieber – Canadian.  We’re sorry.


  • Canadians eat more macaroni & cheese than any other country in the world.  If you don’t like KD, stay out.


  • Whoring is legal in Canada.  Buying the services of a whore is not.


  • Canadian football is much better than American football.  Trust me.  You’ll find out.


  • Since 1969 Canada has been officially bilingual.  English and French are our mandated languages, despite the fact that only about 30.1% of all Canadians have a working knowledge of French.  We try to keep as many of them in Quebec as possible.


  • The symbol in the Canadian flag is a Maple Leaf, not a pot leaf. 



  • The province of Alberta has oil and cows, therefore obviously no place for progressive refugees.  May I suggest Ontario?  You’ll just LOVE the premier!


  • And finally, contrary to popular belief, our health care system is not ‘free’.  You’ll discover that as you are figuring out your obscene personal income tax while spending months on a surgery wait list.




No comments:

His Name Was Steven