Christmas List 2013

Alberta Premier Alison Redford: a new set of luggage.  The perfect gift for someone who spends more time in airports than the Legislature.

Liberal leader Justin Trudeau: policies.  Any one will do.

Singer Miley Cyrus: a standing reservation at the nearest rehab facility.

NDP leader Thomas Mulcair: Prescription for Xanax.  Take twice daily.

‘Comedian’ Jim Carrey: revoked Canadian citizenship.

U.S. President Barack Obama: a copy of the Constitution to replace the original he used to roll doobies.

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper: a bottle of the level of respect he has internationally for use at home.  And a Christmas card from Mike Duffy.

British Prime Minister David Cameron: a Quran and hijab.

Breast implant aficionado Pamela Anderson:  a tour of the killing room at PETA headquarters.

The Alberta Party: relevance.

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton: a posthumous Christmas card from Ambassador Chris Stevens. 

GLAAD: a definition of ‘tolerance’.

A&E TV: a definition of ‘free speech’.

Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne: copy of ‘Economics for Dummies’.

Citizens of High River, Alberta:  new doors, new homes, new safeguards against police intrusion.

Alberta MLA/former Municipal Affairs Minister Doug Griffiths: copy of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms and a cup of humility in his stocking.

Anti-oil sands protesters: charter flight to Saudi Arabia to protest the real bad guys.

Director Quentin Tarantino:  another Jackie Brown.

Wildrose leader Danielle Smith: another year of gaffe gifts from the P.C. government.

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His Name Was Steven