11.21.2013

The Hunt for White Privilege

Much has been said lately about something called ‘white privilege’.  I had never actually seen this creature, so I decided to do a little bit of investigating.

‘What does it look like?  How will I know if I cross its path?’ I have asked several people.  The problem then is the responses: no two are alike. 

It seems this white privilege thing is quite controversial, and while no two people who believe in this thing can agree on specifics, they all agree it exists.

Apparently it’s not a physical creature at all but a ‘societal truth’.  It’s kind of like a virus that one is born with.  Well, only white people are born with it. 

Seems like a racist virus if you ask me, but I digress.

The infected are rumored to possess amazing powers which allow them to achieve certain levels in society and enjoy certain treats the non-afflicted miss out on such as better paying jobs, guaranteed clean soup bowls at the restaurant, first-shot at prime AC/DC tickets, etc.

Naturally I must suffer this sickness of privilege.  I look back on my own life searching for instances of this gift, and that’s where the confusion starts.  I must have it – I am white, after all.

It was missing in action when I was refused acceptance my first time applying for post-secondary education not because of my high school transcripts (not bad at all), but because the college had racial ‘quotas’. 

“Really?  How many whites do you allow?”  Must’ve been the privilege talking.

I work full time, pay the same high taxes as non-whites, have been pulled over by the cops for a ‘routine check’, etc. 

From what I’ve been told, none of that should have ever happened to me because of the Shield of White Privilege™.

One very helpful believer explained that, because I enjoy WP, I must also feel ‘white guilt’.

Whoa – one phantom demon at a time, please.

I keep searching but come up empty.

Was it the benefits I received from white-focused special interest groups while growing up? 

Perhaps it was all the times I was shuffled from coach to first class because of the color of my skin.  Or those federal government cheques I keep receiving just because I happened to be born Caucasian. Or the time I got that bank loan ‘…just because’ (*wink).

Wait…none of that ever happened.  What the hell?

Since this white privilege thing must exist, and I haven’t ever benefitted from this, who do I call?  Is there a government agency that deals with such matters? 

I was ripped off!  I’m white.  Why am I not allowed to bask in this apparent gift from God?

It’s because I’m Irish, isn’t it?


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His Name Was Steven